What is a trigger?
Before we can calm our triggers, we need to first identify what a trigger is. A mental health trigger is anything that evokes a strong emotional or psychological response in someone, often linked to past events. A trigger can be felt as an unhealed hurt from the past being poked.
Our triggers point us in the direction of where to begin the healing.Why learn about our triggers? We can blame others for our reactions because that feels easier, or we can try to understand the part of us that needs some attention or healing.
Identifying a trigger
Triggers can be identified as having a BIG reaction to a normal situation.
Your kids aren’t listening you. You ask them over and over and over. Then, you lose it! You yell and scream. You can blame it on your kids because they don’t listen, or you can look inside and ask what happened in there for you? What did you need?
You come home from a long day of work to see your partner laying on the couch relaxing instead of picking up and completing the overdue house tasks. You begin to pick a fight, yell, blame, or have a flood of ruminating thoughts that spiral. You can blame it on your partner for being lazy, or you can ask yourself what you are feeling and what you need.
Feel it
Think about the last time you had a BIG reaction to a normal situation.
Bring that memory into your mind. You can close your eyes or just look at the floor. Notice your senses in that memory - sights, sounds, smells, etc. As you have that memory pulled up, I want you to notice what is happening in your body right now. What do you feel and where do you feel it?
Thankfully, our body experiences the activation before our brain can understand. Our body will give us the information first which is helpful in calming the trigger in the moment.
Common Body Sensations
- Tight chest or neck
- Rapid heart rate
- Fast breathing
- Red or flushed face
- Sweat
- Racing Thoughts
- Stomach Cramping
- Urge to move
- Ruminating thoughts
- Dizziness
- Leaving the situation
- Getting busy
- Rage cleaning
- Clenched fist/hands
- Tingling in the body
Regulation
Once you have identified the activated state (Trigger), you can regulate yourself in the moment. Often times a trigger causes us to react to a situation that is from the past and not the present moment. We must ground ourselves in the moment we are in. Once we are regulated, we have the ability to think and make choices. This is extremely beneficial when it comes to getting your needs met and wants heard.
Regulation Tools
Breathing
Touch / Mantra
Body Scan
Grounding
Showing Up Regulated
Your kids aren’t listening you. You ask them over and over and over. You notice the tension in your chest, heart is bounding, and your thoughts start to become chaotic. Then, you lose it! You yell and scream. You decide to take some big, long deep breaths. You place your hand on your heart and say, you are safe. You can feel your body become softer. You realize you need them to slow down and hear you. Instead of yelling, you go to them and get on their level to explain how you feel and what you need from them. Being able to catch your activation, calm and regulate it, you can make better choices on what to do next. Others can hear us better when we are regulated.
You come home from a long day of work to see your partner laying on the couch relaxing instead of picking up and completing the overdue house tasks. You notice the ruminating thoughts in your head, “they always do this, they are so lazy, they don’t care about me.” You notice your heart beating and your desire to rage clean. Instead of acting on those, you ground yourself in the room and sit on the couch to notice the soft blanket, smell of your favorite candle, and the sound of the basketball game on tv. You begin to pick a fight, yell, blame, or have a flood of ruminating thoughts that spiral. You realize that you feel unappreciated and overwhelmed. Since you are regulated, you can communicate this to them without yelling or blaming. Being able to ask for what you need by sharing your feelings, gives your partner the opportunity to understand and explain. You will be closer as a couple through this connection.
