Parenting Teens – As a therapist who sees teenagers, I have a front-row seat to their inner worlds. I am not their parent, family member or friend. They can open up to me in a safe and non-judgmental space. One of the most important components of our therapeutic relationship is I do not talk about myself. The conversation stays completely on them. Here is some advice based on the things I hear in session:
Listening Without Adding Your Story
One of the most powerful ways to connect with teenagers is by listening to them without interjecting our own experiences or opinions. Practice active listening by giving your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and validating their feelings without judgment or interruption. Avoid telling them what to do or how to handle the situation. Allow for the “fixer” in you to be quiet. Resist the urge to jump in with advice or anecdotes from your own past. Instead, create space for them to express themselves openly and authentically.
Co-regulation
Teens often struggle with regulating their emotions and managing stressors, leading to mood swings, impulsivity, and conflict. When parenting teens, we can support them in developing effective coping strategies by modeling healthy emotional regulation ourselves. Practice co-regulation by remaining calm and composed during moments of tension, offering a listening ear, and providing gentle guidance without resorting to punitive measures. Make note of your teen’s emotional state, are they dysregulated? If so, support them in getting regulated before talking about the issue at hand. By regulating our own emotions and modeling coping skills, we can help teens learn to navigate challenges more effectively.
Getting Into Their World
To truly connect with teenagers, it’s important to step into their world and understand their perspectives, interests, and experiences. Engage in activities that they enjoy, whether it’s playing video games, watching their favorite TV shows, or simply spending quality time together on a walk. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, and be genuinely curious about their interests and passions. By showing interest and involvement in their world, you demonstrate that you value their individuality and unique experiences.
Seeing Them
Teens crave validation and acceptance for who they are as individuals. Make an effort to see and acknowledge your teen’s strengths, talents, and accomplishments, no matter how small. Offer praise and encouragement for their efforts and achievements, and validate their feelings and experiences, even if you may not always agree with their choices. By seeing and affirming their identity, you help build their self-esteem and confidence, strengthening your relationship in the process.
Parenting teenagers requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to meet them where they are. By listening without adding your story, practicing co-regulation, getting into their world, and truly seeing them for who they are, you can nurture a deeper connection with your teen and support their growth and development. It can be hard to parent a teen who is pulling away. It is developmentally appropriate for your teen to pull away from the family unit, but that does not mean you should stop trying to connect with them.
